Have a history teacher explain this if they can !
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost a child while living in the WhiteHouse.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born 1839
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born 1939
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat !
Lincoln was shot at the theater named "Ford."
Kennedy was shot in a car called "Lincoln" made by "Ford."
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the "kicker":
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
and Lincoln was shot in a theater and the assassin ran to a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and the assassin ran to a theater.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Be +ve
1. No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.
2. Most people will be about as happy as they decide to be.
3. Others can stop you temporarily. But, only you can do it
permanently.
4. Whatever you are willing to put up with is exactly what you will have.
5. Success stops when you do.
6. When your ship comes in, make sure you are willing to unload it.
7. You will never 'have it all together'.
8. Life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the trip!
9. The biggest lie on the planet: "When I get what I want, I will be happy."
10. The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.
11. I've learned that, ultimately, 'takers' lose and 'givers' win.
12. Life's precious moments don't have value, unless they are shared.
13. If you don't start, it's certain you won't arrive.
14. We often fear the thing we want the most.
15. Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you have to say. Best friends listen to what you don't say!
16. Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.
17. Look for opportunities, not guarantees.
18. Life is what's coming, not what was.
19. Success is getting up, one more time.
20. Now is the most interesting time of all.
21. When things go wrong, don't go with them.
22. Sometimes, the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
23. God can mend all broken hearts. You just have to give Him all the pieces.
24. Anyone who asks a question might be a fool for 5 minutes. But, a person, who doesn't ask, is a fool forever.
25. A best friend is like a four leaf clover; hard to find and lucky to have.
26. A friend is someone who reaches for your hand, but touches your heart.
27. A coincidence is when God performs a miracle and decides to remain anonymous.
28. I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
29. Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace and your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace.
30. Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead, rather than to look back.
2. Most people will be about as happy as they decide to be.
3. Others can stop you temporarily. But, only you can do it
permanently.
4. Whatever you are willing to put up with is exactly what you will have.
5. Success stops when you do.
6. When your ship comes in, make sure you are willing to unload it.
7. You will never 'have it all together'.
8. Life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the trip!
9. The biggest lie on the planet: "When I get what I want, I will be happy."
10. The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.
11. I've learned that, ultimately, 'takers' lose and 'givers' win.
12. Life's precious moments don't have value, unless they are shared.
13. If you don't start, it's certain you won't arrive.
14. We often fear the thing we want the most.
15. Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you have to say. Best friends listen to what you don't say!
16. Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.
17. Look for opportunities, not guarantees.
18. Life is what's coming, not what was.
19. Success is getting up, one more time.
20. Now is the most interesting time of all.
21. When things go wrong, don't go with them.
22. Sometimes, the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
23. God can mend all broken hearts. You just have to give Him all the pieces.
24. Anyone who asks a question might be a fool for 5 minutes. But, a person, who doesn't ask, is a fool forever.
25. A best friend is like a four leaf clover; hard to find and lucky to have.
26. A friend is someone who reaches for your hand, but touches your heart.
27. A coincidence is when God performs a miracle and decides to remain anonymous.
28. I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
29. Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace and your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace.
30. Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead, rather than to look back.
I asked...
I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for strength and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for prosperity and God gave me brawn and brains to work.
I asked for courage and God gave me dangers to overcome.
I asked for love and God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for favours and God gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted and everything I needed.
I asked for strength and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for prosperity and God gave me brawn and brains to work.
I asked for courage and God gave me dangers to overcome.
I asked for love and God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for favours and God gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted and everything I needed.
God does exist
Why does Allah allow suffering?
A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of Allah, the barber said: "I don't believe that Allah exists."
"Why do you say that?" asked the customer. "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that Allah doesn't exist. Tell me, if Allah exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If Allah existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving Allah who would allow all of these things." The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.
Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist." "How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"
"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside." "Ah, but barbers do exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me." "Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! Allah, too, does exist! That's what happens when people do not go to him and don't look to him for help. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."
A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of Allah, the barber said: "I don't believe that Allah exists."
"Why do you say that?" asked the customer. "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that Allah doesn't exist. Tell me, if Allah exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If Allah existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving Allah who would allow all of these things." The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.
Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist." "How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"
"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside." "Ah, but barbers do exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me." "Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! Allah, too, does exist! That's what happens when people do not go to him and don't look to him for help. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."
From The Mouths Of Babes.....
What does Love mean?
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7
"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8
"My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6
"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day"
Mary Ann - age 4
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)
Karen - age 7
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8
And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.
The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.
The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,
"Nothing, I just helped him cry"
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7
"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8
"My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6
"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day"
Mary Ann - age 4
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)
Karen - age 7
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8
And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.
The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.
The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,
"Nothing, I just helped him cry"
Romantic Poems
A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a poem with the most
romantic first line, but the least romantic second line.
Here are the top 12 entries they received:
1. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.
2. I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother
3. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty, and so is your head.
4. Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
5. Kind, intelligent, loving, and hot
This describes everything you are not
6. I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
7. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
8. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life
9. I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming
10. My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
11. My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell"
12. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
romantic first line, but the least romantic second line.
Here are the top 12 entries they received:
1. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.
2. I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother
3. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty, and so is your head.
4. Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
5. Kind, intelligent, loving, and hot
This describes everything you are not
6. I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
7. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
8. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life
9. I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming
10. My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
11. My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell"
12. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
Friday, October 19, 2007
More Bumpers
Constipated people don't give a crap.
Practice safe sex, go screw yourself.
If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
Please tell your pants its not polite to point.
If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive a little better.
My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
To all you virgins thanks for nothing.
If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling.
Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings."
If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
Horn broken...watch for finger.
It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.
If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.
So many cats.... So little time.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.
Don't Follow me I am LOST!!!
Women are born leaders, LOOK you are following one now!
Did you just fart or did you always smell that way?
It could be worse. What if sex was fattening?
Life's a bitch, and then you die.
Graduate quickly, millions on welfare depend on you.
Bill Clinton 99% Fact Free
Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.
The good thing about small cars is that you can fit twice as many into a traffic
jam.
Doctor's say I have a multiple personality, but we don't agree with that.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
Illiterate? Write for free help.
Take me drunk, I'm home.
Life is like a straw, it sucks.
Don't delay, paint today
I drive like this to piss you off!
"It is Mind over Matter... If you ain't go no mind... It don't Matter"
Front bumper -Run, Hilary, Run!
I may be slow but I'm in front of you.
Suicide is away of telling God, You can't fire me I quit!!!!!
You have to be really secure to be seen in this car.
I'm wondering if you have any horns with goofy songs?
DANGER: I drive like you do!
Kids in the backseat cause accidents.... accidents in the backseat cause
kids.
Please don't hit me I'm a pedestrian trapped in a car.
S.A.S.R. - Speeders Against Ski Racks
If it's tourist season, does that mean we can shoot them?
Jesus loves you, but everyone else still thinks your an ass hole.
I don't drive fast I fly low
If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!
Your child may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot.
If you can read this you're in range.
The number of people staring at you is directly proportional to the stupidity of
your actions.
It's not the size of the boat that matters, it's the motion in the ocean.
Save the planet recycle an environmentalist.
Just because your not paranoid doesn't mean their not out to get you.
Study long study wrong.
Blow your nose, your horn works fine.
My karma ran over my dogma.
I tried being normal once. . .I didn't like it.
I'm not really a driver I just play one on TV.
Life may suck, but it beats the alternative.
Minds are like parachutes--they only function when open.
Why did God give beauty queens one more brain cell than horses? So they
wouldn't shit on stage.
Horn Broken...Watch For Finger.
Everything Is Somewhere.
I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure...
I love cats.....they taste just like chicken.
I Wish I Was Barbie. That Bitch has EVERYTHING.
CAUTION I BRAKE FOR HOOKERS.
If it isn't broken...fix it until it is!
Keep America clean...swallow your beer cans.
I was an atheist until I realized I was GOD.
Smile.........show off your teeth.
Clean up America. Shoot a redneck!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that
far up my ass.
House guarded by a shotgun 3 nights a week. You guess which?
I left the womb for this
I can go from zero to bitch in 2.2 seconds.
The more I learn, the less I understand.
I'm not littering.... I'm donating to the earth.
If you can read this, I am parked.
I got this car for my wife...not a bad trade.
All generalizations are false.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep!!
I took an IQ test and the results were negative
When there's a will, I want to be in it!
Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control!
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
Tell me to 'Stuff It' - I'm a taxidermist
Live long enough to be a problem to your kids.
Horn Broke. Watch For Finger.
I'm objective; I object to everything.
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
Life is a terminal disease.
Conserve water - Shower with a friend
Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
Driver carries less than $20 IN AMMUNITION
In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
Believe in Darwin; cancer cures smoking.
Practice safe sex, go screw yourself.
If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
Please tell your pants its not polite to point.
If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive a little better.
My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
To all you virgins thanks for nothing.
If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling.
Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings."
If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
Horn broken...watch for finger.
It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.
If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.
So many cats.... So little time.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.
Don't Follow me I am LOST!!!
Women are born leaders, LOOK you are following one now!
Did you just fart or did you always smell that way?
It could be worse. What if sex was fattening?
Life's a bitch, and then you die.
Graduate quickly, millions on welfare depend on you.
Bill Clinton 99% Fact Free
Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.
The good thing about small cars is that you can fit twice as many into a traffic
jam.
Doctor's say I have a multiple personality, but we don't agree with that.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
Illiterate? Write for free help.
Take me drunk, I'm home.
Life is like a straw, it sucks.
Don't delay, paint today
I drive like this to piss you off!
"It is Mind over Matter... If you ain't go no mind... It don't Matter"
Front bumper -Run, Hilary, Run!
I may be slow but I'm in front of you.
Suicide is away of telling God, You can't fire me I quit!!!!!
You have to be really secure to be seen in this car.
I'm wondering if you have any horns with goofy songs?
DANGER: I drive like you do!
Kids in the backseat cause accidents.... accidents in the backseat cause
kids.
Please don't hit me I'm a pedestrian trapped in a car.
S.A.S.R. - Speeders Against Ski Racks
If it's tourist season, does that mean we can shoot them?
Jesus loves you, but everyone else still thinks your an ass hole.
I don't drive fast I fly low
If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!
Your child may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot.
If you can read this you're in range.
The number of people staring at you is directly proportional to the stupidity of
your actions.
It's not the size of the boat that matters, it's the motion in the ocean.
Save the planet recycle an environmentalist.
Just because your not paranoid doesn't mean their not out to get you.
Study long study wrong.
Blow your nose, your horn works fine.
My karma ran over my dogma.
I tried being normal once. . .I didn't like it.
I'm not really a driver I just play one on TV.
Life may suck, but it beats the alternative.
Minds are like parachutes--they only function when open.
Why did God give beauty queens one more brain cell than horses? So they
wouldn't shit on stage.
Horn Broken...Watch For Finger.
Everything Is Somewhere.
I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure...
I love cats.....they taste just like chicken.
I Wish I Was Barbie. That Bitch has EVERYTHING.
CAUTION I BRAKE FOR HOOKERS.
If it isn't broken...fix it until it is!
Keep America clean...swallow your beer cans.
I was an atheist until I realized I was GOD.
Smile.........show off your teeth.
Clean up America. Shoot a redneck!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that
far up my ass.
House guarded by a shotgun 3 nights a week. You guess which?
I left the womb for this
I can go from zero to bitch in 2.2 seconds.
The more I learn, the less I understand.
I'm not littering.... I'm donating to the earth.
If you can read this, I am parked.
I got this car for my wife...not a bad trade.
All generalizations are false.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep!!
I took an IQ test and the results were negative
When there's a will, I want to be in it!
Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control!
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
Tell me to 'Stuff It' - I'm a taxidermist
Live long enough to be a problem to your kids.
Horn Broke. Watch For Finger.
I'm objective; I object to everything.
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
Life is a terminal disease.
Conserve water - Shower with a friend
Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
Driver carries less than $20 IN AMMUNITION
In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
Believe in Darwin; cancer cures smoking.
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